Blinding Again

Decided to check on my website and watch some of my older stuff, some of which I hadn't seen in months. I watched an old film of mine called Blinding, and for some reason, it affected me somewhat differently than before.

As a filmmaker I sometimes find it hard to get emotionally attached to a film I've done, mainly because I spend hours and hours watching it over and over while editing. It's tough to get a read on how people will react to your film because your own view of it is somewhat conditioned to it already.

Having said that, I realize it's good to take some time off from your work, step back, and forget all your impressions of it. And that's what I did tonight. And it felt strange. Okay fine. I got senti and nearly cried. Bloody dust in the flat got in my eyes. Honest.

Watching the film took me back to a certain time in my life which was very melancholic. I had just lost someone very dear to me and I ended up dedicating the film to her. Blinding is about loss, how we appreciate the little things in life only once we've lost them. I find this lesson a recurring theme in my life sadly.

What also made me sad was the fact that I did not shoot a short film in 2006. Sure, there were the countless videos for work, but that's work. I didn't get to do anything for myself, and for that I am deeply regretful. I blame it on the constant haze that festered in my head for most of last year. I lost my focus, and this year it's time to get it back.

So if you haven't seen it yet, have a look at Blinding. It's far from perfect, and of course watching it now I can see 10 different things I would've done differently, but it is a nice little reminder of who I was back in 2005. This film seems to be a family-and-friends favourite, and I enjoy playing it on my laptop when I want to make my sisters cry. Be very patient with the download, as I refuse to post it as a low-quality stream. Watch it in a dark room with some earphones. That's what I did, and may be the reason why I got so...emotional.

Damn dusty flat.